Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
