Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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