I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
