Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
