I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize