Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
