If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
