just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
