i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
