I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
