is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
