She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
