When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
