3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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