I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
