Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
