Umm I'm too high to move.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
