Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
