you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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