im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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