seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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