My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
