like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
