you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize