We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sarcasm needs its own font
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
50% drunk capacity currently
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
