dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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