If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
