I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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