I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
