he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone came in the potted fern
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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