i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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