I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
