U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
