I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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