maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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