would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
