I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
