just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
