How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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