i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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