Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize