escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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