I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
