Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
