And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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