her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
