i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
