Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
