i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
