Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
