After last night, I could never be a politician.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
