I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
