omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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