I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
