Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
