Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
