I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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