Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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