he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
