he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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