there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
