You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
