Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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