On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
