Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
