I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
