I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
