My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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