dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
