But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry about my life...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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