I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
